why do i always talk?

Sometimes it's best to just write one's feelings out. Even if it does not make it to the addressee, the very feeling of confessing to a piece of paper is oddly comforting. I am rambling. Not like you will see this, though.

Umm, okay, so maybe that's why paper - and its virtual version - is such a valuable resource in my house.

I have never been one for face-to-face conversations. Face-to-face glaring I am fond of, maybe, even face-to-face snarking. But face-to-face conversation - even the random kind, the kind I am most fond of - has not been exactly what I would call my forte.

For some reason, I have always found it hard to communicate with people. This is mostly because unlike most Filipinos, I have been raised with English as my first language, even if I am a full-blooded Filipina. Therefore, my grasp of the Filipino language is mediocre at best and I wish I could say the same about my grammar, which at worst makes me sound like some kind of gangster.

Words flow a bit more freely out of my mouth when I speak in English; the people I grew up with in class think that I'm some kind of alien from Mars when I speak English, so my mouth stays shut.

Due to a certain anime going by the name of Hetalia and its large Filipino community which always finds some way to insert Tagalog in their fics in one way or another, I have started improving my Filipino. Or at least that's what my finals told me, I think.

But whether it be in English or Tagalog, I have always been struggling for the right words to tell people ever since I was a child. Was I supposed to say this? Or that? Would it have turned out better if I said this? Until I grew up, and decided that it didn't matter.

It didn't matter since no matter how nice I try to be, people will always hate me. Because no matter how little I speak there are people - real, flesh and blood - who I've met in real life or not, been around at almost every day or not, who could actually remember my existence and like me. Because no matter what I say or who I say it to, there are going to be people who will know me because I am me.

...well then. I'll see you guys tomorrow, and I'm gonna read this little fanfic of awesome for a while.